Episode 9...the journey continues!! In Life Goes On.

Episode 9

On the morning of 21^st of November ,there was a creepy and sick feeling playing with my emotions .It could have been a landmark day in my life, but now it stood staring at me in my face, as just another  regular day .I started my day with mom being overtly nice to me, leaving me more guilty than ever, for not enjoying this love and attention. But somehow her efforts to make the day special, just touched the wrong chords of my heart. But I disguised the feelings by thanking her for a great start, to a new day in my life.  She seemed to have woken up hours before me, to conjure my favourite dosa for breakfast. On the contrary, I pretty much doubt whether she had even got some sleep through the night.I left for office.On the way I turned in   some soulful music .Jagjit Singh's ghazal's was the best I could crave for at this moment. The music and the lyrics seemed to calm my senses down.I made an effort to sing along .I could not miss the oppurtunity of being alone in the car, without tormenting anyone else, wih my singing . I reached office way earlier than required.But that was the way i enjoyed it ,sinking in gradually to my work place, with a cup of coffee to start with and mentally preparing myself to the start of day. 

Everything that happened around me on that particular day,whether in office or home ,seemed to be a painful reminder of the tragedy. All my efforts of controlling myself, failed miserably. Tears stung my eyes, involuntarily. Even the fragrance of the regular bunch of flowers that adorned my table everyday, seemed unbearable. The bank was bustling with activity by noon. Thankfully that kept me busy between attending to various queries and complains. But from time to time my thoughts came back to me like a loyal friend, it said "Where and who do I address my queries and complains to ?" Silence is all that I got back for an answer.

Friends are God’s greatest gift and you realize it, especially at times like this .So mid-day,the screen of the phone blinking Pooja caught my attention .I took the call with an extended 'Helloooo!'

I was so glad her call had interrupted my disturbing thoughts . After the general chit chat , she asked me if I was keen to join her for a drink at a pub, which was our old time hangout .The icing on the cake being , our favourite band playing live. I jumped to the proposal like a college girl . Finally I had something worth while, to keep my mind off the piercing thoughts.

Once at home , I felt guilty to tell mom that I would be leaving her in isolation ,dealing with the heaviness of the day, I felt quite selfish , but I so needed this outing. But once I brought it up ,she said with immense encouragement, “I am so glad Megha ,that you have been able to pull yourself out of this quicksand . I thought it would engulf you and drown you in depression .You are a strong girl and I am proud of you”. My eyes stung with emotions as I gave her a hug and told her that I felt blessed to have a mother like her. This mom-child therapy really did wonders to my spirits, as I got ready to join my girlie gang of friends . But slyly a thought came back, dampening my spirits, “Am I moving on too fast ? Is partying out while your ex-fiance’ is fighting a battle with death , immoral ? Am I being indifferent and insensitive ?” spoke the moral police in me. To this came the prompt answers ,”but maybe it all happened too fast for me to register .First  the relationship ,then the marriage proposal and then the twist of fate “I spoke on ,”The whole sequence happened at neck breaking pace and did not give me time to soak any of it .So how could I miss something that ,leave alone physically, not even mentally taken a possession of  “

 At this point ,I could only feel sorry for Pranav and wish him well ,standing by him emotionally. On second thoughts, I could‘nt help but sympathize with myself too, for being victimized in the cruel hands of circumstances. Does that sound too dramatic? Well , probably the genesis of the best drama's are from real life stories, are they not ?

At the pub ,the music was loud enough to encourage any sensible discussion and for once I was happy to be left alone enjoying my regular mocktail (I had not been able to grow a taste for the harder stuff ,though,at this point in time, I wish I could!! )  along with the music I grew up with. Pooja played a perfect friend letting me unwind and be high on my non-alcoholic beverage.Although after couple of drinks , Pooja was her wildest best and promptly pulled me to the floor and we danced like there was no tomorrow and I was surprised how therapeutic this evening turned out to be . I screamed audibly loud ,"If music be the food of love, play on, give me excess of it; that surfeiting, The appetite may sicken and so die" quoted from Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, but this was the 21st of November for me !!!

.......To be continued!!!

Hope you guys are enjoying as much as I am enjoying sharing!!!

Continued episodes...Life Goes On.

Episode 5

I rung the bell and waited trying to brighten up my face for the benefit of my hypertensive mother. I resolved that I would have to find an intelligent way of telling her that her daughters life had just come to a standstill .The door opened and there was my mother  ,the pillar of my strength.A look at her made me feel like giving away and melting into her supportive arms .But I held fort and decided to take it one at a time .But a mom is a mom ! In minutes I saw her asking me various questions probing the cause of the paleness in my face.”Is everything okay? what took you so long ?Is Pranav back from Delhi ?”came the steady flow of queries .All Moms I believe have the potential for an alternative career option ,as a secret service agent! My sudden sense of humour calmed me a little and I spoke to mom with a smile telling her that I was meeting an old friend .Not that she was convinced ,but it stopped the interrogation from getting any further.

However much I could have done without dinner ,I did not have the strength to fight back the next series of questions that would follow .So I sat soberly and gnawed at the food carrying on a general dinner time conversation .Nothing made sense to me though .I sat there almost brain dead. Faking a loud yawn, I told mom that it had been a long tiring day and excused myself, before retiring to the privacy of my own room.

Finally I was all by myself .It was a lonely feeling .The room felt gloomy and dark. I felt as if I was the one woman army left to combat a huge enemy situation .I did not know if it was the loss of love in my life that hurt me so badly or the failure in commissioning the marriage .I had met Pranav just 6 months back after all ! Before I could assess my love ,the two families met and decided to tie us in a nuptial chord .Did I finally learn to love him ? Or is it only the big fat Indian wedding that caught my fancy .I felt cruel about being judgemental about all of this now .It didn’t matter whether there was love or not, it was now the matter of a human life around me that was facing a great challenge .A life that was warring with death.

 I had a bigger responsibility of laying this horrible piece of news in front of my mom .The very thought of her reaction, made me shudder .I lay on my bed staring blankly at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to vacumn my web of thoughts . But I was far from anything remotely close to sleep .I tossed and turned and eventually my mind lost the battle and gave into my tired body ,slipping into a heavy slumber.

Given a choice , I wanted to report in as unwell to office and take a day off .But that would trigger off the wrong signals to my mother .So I started the morning as usual .Thankfully ,mom had not asked any more questions .So she had not excercised her mind unnecessarily over my battered look last night ,I assumed I had done a good job at camouflaging the situation after all. Last night, she would have slept peacefully . Fear wrenched my stomach and my mind went back to the thought of how to break the news to her .I decided to buy myself another day to mull over this problem and come back with a concrete solution by evening .All the very best I told myself , as I picked up my bag and headed off, to start another day of my life .A life full of uncertainities . A life knotted in some very complicated unanswered questions .

Life is like a stage and we are all the characters in a piece, directed by the almighty himself, I resolved….and right now I was in the role of a tragedy queen ! I smirked.

                                                             

 Episode 6

In office it was business as usual .The world around, remained oblivious to me and my problems .With such a huge issue tucked behind my restless head, I ironically sat resolving those of others. The busy day had almost made me forget everything, until the phone rang in reminder .The screen flashed an unidentified number. I took the call .It was Rajeev’s voice on the other side .”Hi Megha “, he said “how are you this morning ?”. I didn’t know a better answer than to simply say “I am good, thank you” . ”Megha” he said once again ”Pranav was admitted to an ICU last evening as we spoke” , "was there any more to this ",I said ,under my breath , "He is under the treatment of some very senior doctors at Apollo Hospitals , Delhi” he continued. “His parents are shattered and they told me they had no words to say to you and dreaded facing you .But they would be calling you and your mom sometime during the day , all the same.” We carried on the conversation for some more time before I hung up .It felt as if my heart was being kneaded with these feelings .I felt nauseated. Things were now getting out of my control ,they were slipping away like sand held between careless fingers .I had to take an early day off and get back home, to take my mom through this huge big problem that had eclipsed the life of her princess ,as she called me fondly at times. I had to tell her before she received the call from the Banerjee’s from Delhi. I was again found racing against time .I should have told her last night itself ,I thought to myself .After all which of us could control their fate .It was unforeseen ,it was destiny and never the fault of any of us .

In minutes I cleared my desk (wishing it could be as easy, to clear my mind ) and found myself standing infront of my boss ,requesting her for an early day off. Much to my surprise ,the boss seemed to be either in one of her particularly good moods or sensitized with the colour drawn out from my face and was more than happy to oblige. Before leaving the office, I went to the canteen and got myself a cup of expresso .I mechanically took out a pen and paper and having rested my face on my hands ,I unmindfully started jotting down a list of reactions from mom .Finally I was ready to leave and face mom while delivering this news to her.

On my way out ,I bumped into various colleagues ,puffing their lungs out .They all expressed concern on seing me leave at this odd hour. I replied back with confidence….”All izz well”, inspiration drawn from the blockbuster bollywood flick ‘Three Idiots’. Feeling like the fourth idiot, I fumbled a bye to them and stepped into the midday sun. I don’t remember having ever left the bank at this hour .The streets looked strange ,people around me looked unusually busy running errands .The street vendors also looked like far too many, from what I could remember in the late evenings, my usual time of departure .Well it was lunch time and that explained it all.

I crossed over to the parking space and got into the car .This car was now as comfortable as a second home to me .So I settled in and set off for home ,tuning in to my favourite radio station .The voice of the radio jockey was as soothing as an old friend rattling on and soon fading as the next song on the chart started.Was this a coincidence because, the next song, was a tragic one speaking of lost  love. As I manoeuvred through the traffic ,I quickly changed the station and wailed to myself, “someone please tell me that this ai’nt happening for real and it was just a bad dream that I could wake out of!!!” No reply  !!!!

A face on my window at the next signal drew my attention .It was an elderly lady begging to me and saying that if I be kind to her, God will bless me with a good husband and healthy children will follow. Now what? Was the whole world out on the street with adequate amount of salt to rub into my injuries .The signal changed rapidly and I drove with utmost urgency to reach the sanctity of my nest.

                                                                 

...........(To be continued.......)

Watch out for more !!!

Continued.....Life Goes On....Romantic Drama

Episode 3

Sooner than I could imagine I had steered out of the lane and flowed into a sea of  cars , all headed for respective offices .The signal changed to green which obviously failed to capture my attention . I was lost in some thoughts of my own .I hurriedly got my car into ignition and looked ahead of me .I blinked to clear the tears that had found its way up straight from my heart ,my thoughts had found its way back to my mother .She was the closest person to me in my life . Infact she was all I had.  My father left us 8 years back,  after a sudden cerebral attack that claimed his life.  My brother who was much older to me had found his career in the tea garden .So we were left as a mother-daughter duo battling life alone. I saw mom merrily put up a brave front arranging for my marriage with assistance from my aunt ,her younger sister. But I knew all the way, that she buried in her heart the fear and agony of life without me .A lonely-nest syndrome would claim the better of her senses sooner or later ,I silently worried .I was steered from my thoughts by the brutal and impatient honks of the cars behind me, that forced me to sit up and change my gears.

The day at office passed off at a neck breaking pace .There was loads of work to do and demanding bosses or agitated customers did not make it any better for me .Life was a dream ,in the opinion of people outside this swanky foreign bank .But only creatures like me knew the truth, that shattered this myth heartlessly .I looked at the stern looking clock ,which reminded me of  the furrowed brows of a boss, when you report in late and lay one of the lamest excuses on the table .The day progressed.The clock showed the time as 6:30pm and in another hours time I had to reach Barista in Park Street .”Boy” I said ,”I still have these documents to send today ,how on earth will I reach in an hour.”

Just when you are looking for positive answers, the worst realizations unfold .Yes ,to add to the mess ,I did not even have Rajeev’s number to inform about my delay .So,what if he left ?My heart sunk at the thought and I sped up with my work .I wound up in half an hour, breaking all my set records and by 7:05pm I was in my car .Phew! I sighed as I felt the blast of the AC on my face, soothing my skin .Today was the day of breaking all my earlier records, because once again in self proclaimed record time I reached Barista .Parking could be a great agony at this hour ,but the heavens conjured to make life easy for me, this once!!!

I checked myself in the mirror and realized disapprovingly that it was too late to do anything about the way I looked.So without further delay I stepped out onto the busy Park Street road and excused my way, cutting across the stream of people hurrying back home.

I entered Barista and the alluring and refreshing smell of coffee woke my senses a little .My stomach growled noisily and I realized that I had not had the time to break for lunch through the day .My eyes went from table to table trying to put a face to the name .Finally they set on a fairly handsome young man sitting at a corner table with a magazine .This has to be Rajeev I spoke and quickly rehearsed a quick apology for my delay. I swirled my way through the maze of tables , occupied by happy voices and equally happy faces .Rajeev sensed me advancing to his table ,he promptly rose  from the table and took a step forward extending his hands warmly ”Rajeev”, he said.I took his hands and replied back ”Hi Rajeev,Megha” .In a most gentlemanly fashion he helped me arrange myself into a chair next to his.

The steward stood waiting to take our orders ,so we decided on two mocha’s to go with a spinach and corn sandwich and send him away to take care of it .For  a brief moment neither of us said anything .Probably gathering an impression about each other, I presumed .Finally I broke the silence saying ,”So what is it, that needed discussion between us Rajeev ,can we get down to it ” I was almost ashamed off my curtness and impatience. Rajeev cleared his throat and began to speak but then again he was interrupted by the steward obliging us with our order ,we thanked him  as he left our table.

                                                             

 Episode 4

Finally we were left alone to start the much awaited discussion .I had an impish smile on my face imagining it to be the surprise party to be planned but the facial expression that came from the man across the table ,did not confirm my estimates.

Once again Rajeev put down his coffee and cleared his throat and what he said next hit me in my head like the strongest tequila shot .”Megha ,are you aware that Pranav is under medication for high blood pressure for the last 6 years of his life”. I put down my coffee cup in response ,not knowing what to say to that ,cause this was genuinely news to me .I found my voice and heard it saying ,”No,Rajeev ,I did’nt but…..”.Rajeev interrupted ,”Megha ,I am a nephrologist ,practicing successfully in U.K and I also like to clarify that I am not really Rajeev’s friend, but his older brother Pranay’s school friend.” After trying to soak the information, I said in a meek voice ”Okay ,so what are you trying to tell me now ,Rajeev”. ”Megha “,he said looking sternly into my eyes ”Pranav has been ignoring his blood pressure for too long , he was advised medication to control it, but….”  “But what?” I almost shouted  ,making people turn their heads to look at me."……But now," continued Rajeev,as I looked on anxiously " the young man has got himself into a difficult situation ".The world collapsed around me,not knowing what to expect ,the noise in the café reaching to painful decibels. I did not know what was coming next, but my heart wept in anticipation of the worst .”Megha ,you have to hold yourself and understand that Pranav has managed to reach a state of renal failure ,or kidney failure in lay man’s words…..”He reached for my hands and with medical jargons carried on explaining the situation to me .But I fell deaf to all his words .My mind was racing like a lunatic .Several thoughts doing a funny mambo-jambo in my mind .What would I do now? What was I expected to do now? Is Pranav dying? and the foolishest one was, What about my marriage? Rajeev realized that my thoughts had left him and so he pulled his chair closer to mine and tried reaching out to hold me in a comforting embrace .I wore a weak smile and looked back at him .The kindness in his eyes gave a final tug at my emotions and I broke down . Tears rolled involuntarily down my flushed face .I was at a loss of words and so was he .The next fear that crept in my mind was ,what will I tell my mom or how will I tell my mom ?None of these thoughts found a satisfactory answer.

It was almost 9pm and the atmosphere in the café was weighing heavy and I could take it no more .As I left the café and got into the car ,I promised Rajeev that I would take care of myself ,brave it out and not speak to Pranav about this meeting ,until his family joined us from Delhi ,to address the issue formally.

As soon I found myself alone , the queries returned .Did this drama have to unfold three weeks from the D-day ?Why did it have to happen to me? I found myself struggling to bat away  each one of them desperately, as I drove back in grave silence, through the surprisingly peaceful stretch of road that led to my home .I looked at my watch, one last time before I parked my car outside the house .It was almost 10 pm .The last two and a half hours had drained every bit in me and was worse than a months hard work, horrible bosses and flaming customers all put together .The tragedy scene came in unannounced and the dream sequence seemed to be over for good .But I hadn’t even got the chance to live it ! I cried out in exasperation as I laid my hands on the horn .The honk reminded me that I was still sitting in my car .So I finally gathered myself and got out of the car and dragged myself up the stairs after an unusually long day, I would say!

....................................( To be continued......)

Watch out for more :)

My Cyber-Serial.....Life Goes On-Romantic Drama.

Episode-1

The telephone shrieked breaking the silence of the night.I woke up in bed and sat staring into the darkness.Gradually I gathered my senses and groped around for my watch.The neon gleamed on the face of the clock,it was around 11:30 pm,who could be calling up now?My heart was racing ahead of me, but my feet were playing a game of deceit.They were cold and numb ,I just could not get myself to move.Finally I took control of my senses and stumbled towards the wailing phone.By the time I reached  out ,my hands stopped mid air at the sudden silence.Was  I dreaming? I thought, as I kept looking at the now peaceful instrument .My mind was working overtime trying to figure out who it could be calling , just another drunk crank caller or a wrong number. Minutes ago ,the ringing phone seemed to me like a nameless devil ,with a green face and red eyes spitting venom at me and now finally it had gone off to sleep .Could be a wrong number I conveniently resolved.

My heart found back its normal pace ,the blood returned to my feet as I swept away the little beads of sweat that had adorned my forehead .My face broke into a Monalisa smile and I turned around to get back to the comforts of my bed .Just then ,I was stopped in my tracks, the caller was back like a crying child .This time without delay I gathered myself and firmly got my hands around the receiver ,its  weight kind of took me by surprise .”Hello” ,I said my voice shivery.

“Is that Megha?” ,a gruff  voice spoke .I kept juggling around with names to fit that voice, as I answered back ”Yes” .Promptly came the next ”Megha ,this is Rajeev this side ,you may not know me ,but if I may introduce myself, I am Pranav’s friend calling from London” before I could speak, he continued ”I am sorry it may be late in India right now ,but I just got hold of your number and I could’nt wait to speak to you .This is kind of urgent you see ” .Having got my chance,I spoke, my voice full of  mixed feelings of anxiety ,confusion and irritation .”I would like to assume it is , because I do not think I know you from Adam’s”.

I will pause the story here to introduce you to Pranav, the lucky man who is committed to be married to me in a month or no lets see ,three weeks time! Pranav was in Delhi , with his family on some last minute marriage planning, as he had told me .But he had not mentioned this friend of his coming into town to join our marriage celebration .So what could he have to do with me ?

Now his best friend calls me at this weird hour all the way from Queens own country. This is interesting, said my inner voice . Filmi keeras (Film buffs) like me find these twists super exciting .Anyway lets get back to the story.

There was a little smile, I would imagine, as Rajeev spoke ,”Megha I am coming to India or Kolkata to be precise on 30^th of October, that is tomorrow .The first thing that I want to do is meet you .So could you help me with a suitable time and place”. “Duh!!!Is this guy for real?”,my mind spoke”He wants to fix a date with his friends fiancee’ and he calls up at this hour for this?’ I screamed back,"URGENT ?sure ”I smirked ,"Western culture I tell you ”.After a brief conversation with myself I spoke back to Mr Rajeev ,”I do not understand the urgency Rajeev .Pranav’s birthday is in a few days and I am sure we can meet then? ”.Before he could fumble in a reply ,lightning struck my little imaginative head……oh-no what was I thinking ,Rajeev could be planning a surprise birthday party !!! and in a snap my voice changed shades like a chameleon .”Yipee!”said the little girl in me” I wanted to be a part of this great idea and so no more questions asked ”.Much to Rajeev’s surprise , I hastily rattled off  the venue and time of our fateful meeting ,that finally changed the entire sequence of my life .It may sound clichéd but I resolve that man proposes and god disposes.

                                                                     .............................................................................

                                                           

                                                                  

I woke up in the morning to the smell of my usual cup of steaming tea .I sat up once again blinking at the sunlight ,that sneaked in through the curtains filling the room with a warm light .November was knocking at the door, bringing with it the crispness in the morning air .How I loved this time of the year in Kolkata and this November particularly, would be written in my memory book as a very special one .Soon I would be married ,all dolled up like a bride straight from the bollywood sets .The air would be filled with the smell of a thousand flowers .Lights ,camera ,action and there the family pundit would begin chanting the religious vows .All the imagination made me happily break into a dreamy smile.Just then an earth shattering clanging sound  followed by moms agitated voice ,brought me back to reality .It was Malti didi ,as usual hurrying ,her way in the kitchen.

 I touched my feet to the cold ground  looking for my slippers with the empty cup in my hand .I stretched lazily, almost spilling the left over in the cup over my head .Now that would be some start to a new day. Just then I recalled speaking to myself ”Hello ,you seem to have forgotten last nights phone call ,like a bad dream” .Oh yes ,I was to meet Rajeev today after work .There I was, immediately struck by a, I-Have-Nothing-Decent-To-wear syndrome .This is a common ailment with girls you see. The feeling of being cursed with the worst collection in one's wardrobe .I was soon found with my head stuck in the cupboard and a heap of rejected clothes at my feet . No silly, I was not going to meet my fiancée, I said to myself , but Rajeev was his closest friend after all I added again ,I had to make my first impression ,right ? Thus continued the almost audible, argument in my head and the battle with clothes,hangers et all.

Finally I decided on a dark grey well tailored business suit, on which I had spent almost half of a months salary .But this was’nt a good time to go on a financial guilt trip ,this was the time to purely look impressive .I laid the suit carefully on my ruffled bed and headed for a shower .I stopped and turned to take a last look at what I had decided on wearing and no matter how much you will hate me for this ,but yes, there I was back to where I had begun .Nah….the suit was too formal and this ai’nt an interview after all .For the last time I picked out a lovely white silk shirt and teamed it with a black pencil skirt .”This is it, my new acquisition of a dainty looking pearl set would just do the magic and make me picture perfect in the eyes of this man,who could mentally congratulate Pranav on his choice .Who ever heard of being humble right?? “I do’nt even know Rajeev  ,”I almost sqeaked ,”but who cares ”.I growled back ,”I wanted to look and feel good ,and that is that.”

 I stepped into my tallest shoes dreading the painful ordeal of spending those hours at work in them. But there again, my small teeny structure did not give me the liberty of wading  in anything more reasonable, when it came to comfort. My added height  lend me some confidence, as I walked out of the house after having planted a kiss on mamma’s cheeks. As an after thought, I yelled back to her, that I would be late from work and before she could shoot out her series of questions, I was out of her sight, ready to start my day.

                                                      ............................................................................(To be Continued....)

Follow the blog for what happens next ;0